17th April 1999
Yesterday I met Sally, she’s an adoption social worker. Basically shes the one that goes between me and my baby’s new parents. I’m not sure I want to do this. I want to keep him and watch him grow up before me, I wonder what will happen when he’s my age now, whether he’ll be studying hard for his GCSES or turn into a waster like me. I hope I can give him to someone who deserves him more than I do. Anyway, Sally brought along pictures and descriptions of two sets of possible parents and I had to chose one. One set had rabbits in their pictures and the other had poodles. I chose the ones with poodles in the picture, they looked normal enough and I’m allergic to rabbits.
I’m at home for the first weekend since my dad took me to the hospital. My dad is trying to act as if nothing as happened. I am trying to remain calm. Mum and dad tried to clear out all reminders of my baby but they left the small bear he was given. I’ve put it away for now, I sobbed as I angrily shoved it into the back of my wardrobe.
Gotta go now, my mum has called me for tea
Shouting from downstairs
Mum: Julie your tea is ready!
Julie: I’m coming now mum
Julie bounds down the stairs and walks into the kitchen
Julie: What is it?
Mum: Pizza tonight.
Julie: Cool, what flavour?
Mum: Ham and mushroom. Oh there’s some post for you on the table. Looks like birthday cards.
Julie reaches to the pile of cards and opens them one by one pulling out a couple of £5 notes from amongst the well wishes.
Many happy returns
Love aunty June and uncle bob
hope you have a good birthday.
Love aunty Rachel and uncle Geoff